


Coming Clean

by tetralise



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Fujisaki Chihiro, Gen, Gender Confusion, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Redemption, She/Her Pronouns for Fujisaki Chihiro, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Fujisaki Chihiro, Trans Fujisaki Chihiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetralise/pseuds/tetralise
Summary: Chihiro Fujisaki has run the numbers countless times. Almost unanimously, the digital recreations of her classmates responded positively to her telling them the truth. So... why can't she bring herself to say anything?Or,In Which Chihiro Struggles With Her Gender IdentityCurrently a one-shot; may expand this into a larger story at a later date.
Relationships: Fujisaki Chihiro & Ogami Sakura, Fujisaki Chihiro & Owada Mondo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	Coming Clean

**Author's Note:**

> I love Chihiro, she deserves better, and I ended up in a rough spot after seeing the way that any complaints about the way she was handled are shut down and berated by people who have Literally No Understanding Or Experience of trans identities or the horrid portrayal genderqueerness has had in media over the years.
> 
> So, I wrote this.

Chihiro sighed and wiped her eyes. She’d run the simulation countless times— on mute, mostly, so that none of the others around her could hear— and each time the text onscreen had a fairly positive response. She couldn’t run the program with  _ everyone,  _ as she didn't spend enough time around a few of her classmates to get an accurate depiction of how they’d respond… but at least ten turned out fine.

So why couldn’t she say anything?

She’d  _ almost  _ told several people— Mondo, Makoto, and Sakura, primarily. She wasn’t sure about Hina, but she had considered it. The girl could occasionally be a bit of a space case, though, and Chihiro wasn’t sure she could handle the bewildered questioning that might result.

“Yo, what’s this? Did you make yourself your own background, Chihiro?”  
Before the petite girl could respond, she was pulled into a playful headlock. It scared her a bit, suddenly feeling frail and vulnerable, but despite Mondo’s short temper and occasional profanity-laced outbursts, she knew he would never hurt her. It was one of the few things she really trusted him with.   
_ “Anyone who raises their hand to a woman is scum that deserves death. That's what my brother taught me.” _

“Let go, Mondo! You can’t see that, yet!” As her arms weakly flailed toward the laptop, the biker released her, and Chihiro lunged forward to hide the text that ran along the bottom of the screen. 

_ ««Oh! Hello, Mondo!»» _

“Whoa, what the hell?! It talked?!?”  
As the digital Chihiro smiled at Mondo, he looked on, wild-eyed. Seated in the desk beside him, the real Chihiro explained.

“I wasn’t ready to show anyone yet, but… this is an AI I’ve been working on. It’s top secret though, so I don’t want anyone to know about it yet. I call it Alter Ego. My goal is for it to be comparable to a human personality!”

A bit confused, Mondo blinked and shook his head.  
“Man, I don’t get this crap at all… you’re so goddamn smart, Chihiro.”

She blushed, looking down. “I-it’s really nothing special…”  
“Don’t gimme that,” Mondo snapped back. “You should show the others, they’d eat this shit up. Really.”

His phone buzzed, and he glanced down at the screen.

“Ah shit. I was gonna go work out with Leon. Sorry, I gotta run. I’d invite you along, but, y’know. Dudes’ locker room and all that. Maybe you can train with Sakura or something.”

“Heh…” Chihiro nodded, blushing slightly. “I guess so. Have fun, Mondo!”  
As he left, her smile faded. 

_ Sakura?... She kind of scares me, but Hina says she’s really nice…  _

* * *

“What is it you wished to speak to me about?”

Sakura Ogami was a solid foot and a half taller than Chihiro, making her beyond daunting to approach. Even more intimidating was the idea of pulling her away from anyone else, and so Chihiro tried to find her at a point where she didn't seem particularly busy.

“I… I’m tired of not being strong. And I know you’ve offered for me to work out with you and Hina but it’s… more complicated than that.”

Sakura eyed the petite girl from beneath a furrowed brow, her grey-blue eyes scanning her face.  
“Something troubles you.”

Chihiro shifted uncomfortably on her knees, playing with the hem of her skirt.   
“I don’t want anyone to be upset with me… or stop liking me.”

“I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about. Your friends care for you very deeply. You know this.”

As she nodded, Chihiro felt the tears already beginning to well up in her eyes.   
“But it’s… scary, you know? I’ve been lying to you. I’ve been lying to everyone.”

“Lying?...” Sakura’s face seemed almost judgmental at first, causing Chihiro to whimper, but upon looking more closely she was able to tell the difference: it was a stoic concern, etched onto her face like the lines of a thousand battles. The small, timid rabbit of a girl nodded.

“I never joined you because I… I can’t go in the girl’s locker room. Because I-I’m… ...not a girl.”

For a split second, it was obvious that the revelation shook Sakura to her core. Her eyes widened, and a coarse sound emerged from her throat. Almost immediately after, however, she had reformed her composure.

“I… I apologize. I did not expect such a revelation. Forgive me.”

“No, it’s okay!” Chihiro pleaded, though her face said otherwise. She was ashamed, so unbelievably ashamed, and honestly it was a wonder to her that Sakura had not said anything malicious already. After a brief moment of silence, Sakura asked for an explanation.

“I don’t wish to intrude, but… why? Why do you portray yourself this way?”

With a deep breath, Chihiro re-explained her latent insecurities which had been bubbling beneath the surface for so long. That, ever since being young, she was bullied for not being masculine enough, for being frail and delicate. How she disguised herself as a girl to ward off the teasing, and at least be seen as somewhat normal for once. As she explained, she began shaking, and her rosy cheeks became wet with tears that she found herself unable to stop.

Sakura remained seated in complete silence until Chihiro was clearly finished. With her eyes closed, she took a deep and solid breath.   
“... I see.”

“Y-yeah…” Chihiro hiccuped through her response, unable to look the towering woman in the eye. “So that’s…”  
“I apologize if my behavior is out of line, but I hope you will allow me to ask further questions.”

Swallowing a sob, Chihiro quietly nodded. She just hoped that the questioning wouldn’t be too belligerent.

“Do you enjoy the way you dress, right now? Your uniform?”

“I…” Chihiro didn’t entirely expect nor understand the question. “Maybe? But it’s just to hide… It’s embarrassing…”  
“That wasn’t the question.”

“Wha?” Sakura’s response was terse and straightforward, almost to the point where Chihiro thought she was mad at her. “I-I’m sorry… I just…”

“Rid yourself of your understanding of what a man should be. Of others’ perceptions of you as a boy. Do you  _ like  _ the clothes you wear?”

Chihiro thought for a second, then nodded. “I… yes. But they’re not how a boy dresses…” As she looked up to Sakura, she began wringing her hands. “I do it so they won’t make fun, but now it’ll be worse.”   


“Ignore the shame in your head that speaks loud above you. Answer this not as a boy, nor as a girl, but openly and honestly: do you find comfort in femininity?” Sakura’s eyes were icy cold, penetrating deep into Chihiro’s psyche.

“...I do.”

With a nod, the martial artist continued. “And, if you were not hyper aware of your identity as a boy… would you be ashamed of your lack of masculinity?”

Chihiro sniffled and shook her head. “No?... I don’t understand what you’re asking…”

“A man should not be required to be intensely masculine, no more than a woman should be required to resemble a waifish housewife,” Sakura affirmed with her arms crossed. “What you have… between your legs…” She paused as she tried to phrase the sentiment delicately. “...does not define you. I cannot answer for you, but you seem to only be ashamed of how you present because you believe you  _ should  _ be a boy.”

There was a brief silence. Chihiro wasn’t quite sure she understood, but… if anything, Sakura, who was over six feet in height and the most muscular person in her class irrespective of gender, might have understood better than expected.

“Chihiro… I know it is easier said than done but you must learn to ignore what others think and live in the way that makes  _ you  _ feel at home. If you want to be a boy and work on becoming stronger, that is acceptable. If femininity is familiar and comforting to you, and you wish to live as a girl, that is fine too, and you’re more than welcome to train alongside me as a woman as well. I said that before and I meant it. Keep in mind: nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Yes, she definitely understood, Chihiro thought. Quietly, she wiped the tears from her eyes and nodded, piping up feebly with a question.

“D...do I have to tell anyone?”  
“Not if you do not want to. You have my word to keep silent.”

“I think… I’m afraid that if they know the truth they won’t accept me. The boys  _ or  _ the girls.”

A large, heavy palm rested itself on Chihiro’s shoulder. As she looked up, she couldn’t help but notice that Sakura looked strangely kind.

“Then it’s not their concern. But I won’t allow anyone to give you trouble.”

“...Thanks, Sakura.”

* * *

Chihiro’s fingers blazed across the keyboard as she asked Alter Ego to repeat itself.

_ >let’s run it once more_ _

The pixels compiling the digital Chihiro’s face scrambled and reassembled, forming a strong-jawed face with fiery eyes and a massive pompadour.

_ ««Hey, Chihiro, you wanted to talk?»» _

The digital Mondo was uncanny in its resemblance. It was, at the very least, easier for her to type her thoughts than to say them outright. There was less anxiety to be had when you were rattling off words on a keyboard and could take your time formulating your thoughts before hitting the enter key. And yet, as she typed the words…

_ >would you still be my friend if_ _

...tears filled her eyes. She had no idea how to word such a thing. It had been hard enough with Sakura, but  _ Mondo?  _ Tough-as-nails, shredded-to-hell-and-back biker king Mondo? It was unfathomable. But maybe, if she could tell one boy and one girl, have a tough representative from  _ both  _ groups on her side, then maybe the rest would be easier.

With a sigh, she backed out of the existing text.

_ >cancel simulation_ _

_ > _ _

_ >text mondo: [hey, can i talk to you when you’re done?]_ _

It didn’t take long— Mondo was already showering off as he received the message, and within fifteen minutes (most of which was spent styling his hair) he arrived in the gym.   
As he entered, the nervous Chihiro waved to him, seeming even more reserved as he drew closer.

“Hey, Chihiro. You wanted to talk?”

If she wasn’t so nervous, she would have giggled: the simulation that Alter Ego had run earlier had really mimicked him down to a T, to the point that it gave her déjà vu. 

“Oh, Hi Mondo…” Her fingers tugged at the hem of her skirt, just as they did while talking to Sakura. It was a nervous habit of hers, one that the others knew all too well. She would play with her skirt and look down and to the left, and her voice would quaver. Not to the same degree as Toko’s stutter, no, this tic seemed almost fear-based more than anything. As he flopped down onto the bleachers beside her, she continued.

“I don’t really know… how to ask this…”

Mondo eyed her as he leaned back against the row behind him.  _ The hell’s she so nervous about?... She’s not gonna… nah, just wait it out. I’m sure it’s nothing. _

“I…”  
She hummed for a moment.  _ Maybe if I… present the problem differently?... _

“...Mondo, we’re friends, right?...”

The six feet of machismo beside her looked at her incredulously. “Yeah, no shit. Of  _ course  _ we’re friends, you know that.”

“W-well…” Chihiro’s head ducked down timidly. “This is… hypothetical, but… if I wanted to live as a boy, what would you say?”

“Wha?” As he cocked his head, Mondo’s hair wobbled ever so slightly. He inspected her face carefully. “I mean… Not sure I totally get it, but you’d basically be like a little bro to me. Y’know? Not that I could let you get involved in gang life.”

For a moment he grew quiet, and Chihiro wondered if perhaps there was something more that  _ he  _ wanted to talk about to  _ her.  _ Before it lasted too long, however, he brushed it off. “But anyway. Why ya askin’?”

Chihiro shook her head.  
“Well… ...what about the other way around?”

“Eh? I mean… Like I said I don’t get any of that crap, but…” Mondo paused.  _ What does she mean?... The other way around… like, if she was a boy that… wha? _

“Oh…”  
Long, fluttery lashes blinked away tears as Chihiro turned from the boy next to her. “I… I’m tired of being scared, Mondo. I want to be strong. I don’t wanna be ashamed anymore.”

With a slight grunt, the gang leader pulled himself forward and slapped a firm hand on Chihiro’s back. It stung her, but only slightly. “You ain’t got nothin’ to be ashamed of, kid. You know that.”

This time, she was unable to keep the tears back.  
“I-I do, though… I’m… I was… I’m not like the other girls, here.”

As she said the words aloud Mondo sat there, his eyes searching her own in an attempt to fully understand.

“At first I was… hiding. I was so scared because all my life everyone’s made fun of me for being weak and feminine and ‘not a real man’... So I thought, they can’t say those things about me if they think I’m a girl… And then I got even more scared, that if anyone found out, the teasing would just be worse… It was like a really bad feedback loop of anxiety. And I mean… you’re so strong, and manly, and I wanted to be like you. That way, no one would ever make fun of me again.”

She swallowed, then sniffled. Though she tried her best to control it, Chihiro’s voice shook with her words.

“So I planned to tell everyone eventually. I didn’t know what you’d think, so I talked to Sakura first… and… ...she helped me realize that this is how I should be. I only wanted to be strong and manly because I was ashamed of myself.”    
As she shut her eyes tight, she sobbed. “...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier… Please don’t be mad, Mondo…!”

The silence was deafening, unbearable. After what felt like an eternity, Chihiro opened her eyes again to find Mondo looking at her with concern, as well as…. Was that  _ pride? _

“It took a lot of fuckin’ guts to say that, Chihiro. Damn.”   
Chihiro looked to him, a bit surprised.

“You know that, right? You’re strong as shit. And I’m proud of ya.”

Immediately, she buried her face in Mondo’s chest, gripping his jacket and soaking his wifebeater in tears. Her words squeaked out through sniffles and sobs.  
“You’re… not… mad?” 

“Ah, shit… don’t cry, alright? You’re gonna make it look like I’m bein’ mean to you or something.” Hesitantly, he lifted an arm to rub her back in consolation. “Anyway… ‘Course I’m not mad, are you crazy? Live the life you gotta live. You’re still like a little sister to me; just means I gotta protect you more.”

“...Thanks, Mondo…”   
As the delicate girl sighed against his chest, Mondo could feel himself blushing, and quickly cleared his throat and looked elsewhere in an effort to make it fade.

“Yeahhh, yeah. No problem. If anyone tries to mess with you over it I’ll beat the everloving shit out of them, got it?”

He felt Chihiro nod, then giggle. “I think, maybe I should go take a nap or something. I bet I’ll feel way better afterward.”

Once she had composed herself, Chihiro headed off to her dorm room and inspected herself in the bathroom mirror. Her eyeliner and mascara had smudged beyond belief, making her look a bit less like the timid rabbit she noted fans describing her as online and more like a raccoon. With a bit of cotton and micellar water she cleared off the excess, and, with a moment of hesitation, unbuttoned her blouse. She wringed the ruffled white top in her hands as she looked herself over, observing the features she was once teased over. Not only was she unlike the other boys growing up, she was unlike the other girls at Hope’s Peak now.

As she turned to her right, she examined her perfectly flat chest, and for a moment she wondered if she could compare, before remembering what Sakura said: a woman didn’t  _ have  _ to look a particular way. She herself was six-four and the most broad and muscular of their entire class.

Chihiro flopped onto her bed, turning on to her side and cuddling the small stuffed rabbit she had kept since childhood as consolation. As the sensations of her bleary eyes and tired throat faded, along with her consciousness, she smiled, remembering Mondo’s words.

_ “You’re strong as shit. And I’m proud of ya.” _

_...Guess I’m strong after all. _


End file.
